The Hogwarts Disaster Log
by Katie Alden
Summary: Something is not right. In fact, I think something has gone terribly wrong. So far I am the only person unaffected by 'The Disaster'. If I succumb, no one will know the truth about the tragedy that has struck Hogwarts, hence this will be the Disaster Log. I hope that if I fail, someone else will be able to carry on the task of investigating this evil. QLFC Season 7 Round 5


**Written for the QLFC Season 7 Round 5. Chaser 2 - (Mirror Dimension) Write about a story where good is evil and evil is good, or you could write about reverse characterizations. Think polar opposite from canon. **

**Prompts: [action] whistling; [dialogue] "don't look at me, I didn't do it"; [word] sarcasm**

Hogwarts was in chaos. The entire school body had arrived at breakfast on Tuesday morning only to discover that it was actually Wednesday. No one had any memory of the day before, but the further they looked the more signs they found that something major had happened. The neon pink robes in Snape's cupboard, the History of Magic notes in Fred's school bag, and the dung bombs in Percy's. Answers to the fourth year Transfiguration exam were spread across the school, however, most notable was the stack on the Ravenclaw table. Everyone was madly trying to put the pieces together to solve the mystery. Everyone, that is, except for one person.

Neville Longbottom was seated at the end of the Gryffindor table, hurriedly writing something on a stack of parchment. Unlike the other students, his expression was not one of panic or confusion. In fact, he almost looked relieved as he watched the students around him.

"Neville?" Ginny said with concern, worried about her friend's odd behaviour. Why wasn't he as worried as she was?

"Can I ask you something?" she continued.

"Sure, Ginny. What do you need?" Neville replied.

"Well, it's just that something strange has happened, and you don't seem worried by it."

"Why would I be worried? It's all over now, and we can go back to normal," he stated.

"What do you mean, it's over? What is over?" Ginny asked.

"You don't remember everyone acting really weirdly yesterday?"

"I don't remember anything from yesterday." Ginny was becoming more and more concerned. What did Neville know that no one else did?

"Nothing? Interesting . . . " Neville scribbled another note on his parchment. Suddenly he could feel multiple pairs of eyes on him, and he looked up to see that the whole of Gryffindor House was staring at him.

"Don't look at me, I didn't do it! Personally, I suspect the Weasley twins, but I'm still compiling evidence."

"Neville," Hermione broke into what he was sure was going to become a rambling speech. "What exactly happened?" Hermione questioned.

"Well, as I said I am still trying to work it all out. But I do have my disaster log here that you might find interesting—oi!"

Hermione had snatched the stack of parchment from Neville's hands, and started to read. Turning pale, she hurried to the Head Table, and handed the stack to Professor Dumbledore.

Hermione stated "Sir, I think we all need to hear this."

* * *

_April 15th, 1996_

_2300_

_Something is not right. In fact, I think something has gone terribly wrong. So far I am the only person unaffected by 'The Disaster'. If I succumb, no one will know the truth about the tragedy that has struck Hogwarts, hence this will be the Disaster Log. I hope that if I fail, someone else will be able to carry on the task of investigating this evil._

_It all started after dinner. Everything had been normal, until people–students and staff alike–started acting differently. _Very _differently. At first it was just little things, like Ron Weasley mentioning an exam he had to study for, or Luna Lovegood making more sense than usual. But it has become progressively worse. _

_Harry Potter has become very sarcastic. I explained a herbology concept to him tonight, and when I asked him if it had helped he responded with, "__oh yes, you've been _so _helpful. Thanks _so _much for all your help._" _I must admit I was shocked, Harry is usually so polite. Even when annoyed he would at least attempt to keep his tone neutral. __I had put it down to stress—I mean, between Voldemort, Umbridge and the DA who wouldn't be stressed? But in the light of everything else I think something more sinister is afoot. _

_No one else seems to have noticed anything, so it is up to me to stay alert. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but we are at war, and this seems like the kind of thing the Death Eaters would do. We need to start preparing for an attack—what better timing than when the entire Hogwarts' population is confused and not acting like themselves. _

_I don't think I'll sleep tonight. I have battle plans to draw up._

_April 16th, 1996_

_0030_

_The situation is worsening. All of the Gryffindors were in bed by 2330, which is extremely unusual. Where was the wild party? Why was Hermione not studying? I stole Harry's map to double check that there wasn't a secret-location party, but every single Gryffindor was in bed. Every. Single. One. _

_What's more, is that I discovered a group of students running through the halls at 2400. I'm not good with names, but I think they are Hufflepuffs. What are Hufflepuffs doing up this late? _

_I took it upon myself to then check the map again for signs of the other Houses. Nothing. No Ravenclaws cramming, no Slytherins up late plotting. The exact habits of every student isn't something I claim to know extremely well, but the students behavior strikes me as odd. Surely in a school this big _someone _would be awake? _

_In other news, the battle plans are causing me some trouble. How can I plan an attack when I don't know how my army will act? _

* * *

As Dumbledore read the Disaster Log, Neville felt his face becoming more and more red. What had seemed perfectly reasonable to have concerns over at the time now seemed like a ludicrous overreaction. Maybe making his log public had been a mistake. He could have just written a summary!

* * *

_0600_

_I have abandoned all hope that this evil will stop spreading. It is not even time for breakfast and I just caught sight of Fred and George Weasley studying for NEWTs, two months before the exams will actually occur. At first I thought they were working on more joke products, but alas they were writing notes on Goblin Wars and the Founding of Hogwarts. I really don't see how this could get any worse, but knowing my luck it will._

* * *

Fred and George looked at each other, horrified.

"Did I hear right Fred? Were we really . . . Oh I can't even say it!"

"Surely not George! Especially not the subject-that-must-not-be-named!"

"Oh Neville, please tell me you cleansed Hogwarts of this evil!" The twins high-fived as they spoke in unison.

"Ahem." Dumbledore was looking at the twins over his spectacles, his eyes twinkling. "If you would allow me to proceed we will find out the answer to your question, Mr. Weasley."

* * *

_0800\. _

_The Hufflepuffs have started selling test answers to the Ravenclaws. Rumours say that not all the answers are correct, but I don't think the Ravenclaws will notice today. The fallout could be catastrophic if this evil is not reversed before the exams are held. _

_1030_

_I have gained an unexpected ally, Draco Malfoy. He approached me, expressing his concern over the strange behaviour exhibited by the Hogwarts population. He has promised to do all in his power to aid my investigation and rid Hogwarts of whatever is causing this Disaster. He is currently alternating between interviewing students and comforting a Slytherin seventh year who has lost their pet snake. _

_1033_

_Emergency entry! This Disaster has now reached catastrophic levels. _

_I have just witnessed Snape prancing through the halls, whistling "Cauldron Full of Love," while Dumbledore chased him, telling him off for his neon pink robes. Dumbledore is dressed in all black, and all signs of his signature twinkle have disappeared from his eyes. An angry Dumbeldore and a euphoric Snape? We're DOOMED!_

* * *

Snape and Draco shared looks of horror.

"I don't believe you, Longbottom," Draco sneered, although his eyes betrayed his worries.

"You don't have to, Malfoy. However, I do have a contract here that you insisted on signing. Let's see '_I, Draco Malfoy, do pledge to give all aid and assistance within my power to Neville Longbottom in the matter of the Hogwarts Disaster. I further swear to give all support within my power to Hogwarts students during this trying time._'" As Neville read the contract, the student body struggled to hold in their laughter, while Draco's face turned pale with anger.

"Oh, that explains the photo I found in my bag this morning!" cried Ginny. "I did wonder where that came from. Would you like to see it Professor?" Ginny stood up as if to approach Snape, however he abruptly swept out of the Great Hall, sending a poisonous glance in Neville's direction as he went.

* * *

_1200\. I've discovered the root of this evil. The House Elves have reported an unusual compound found in the jugs. Thank Merlin I don't like pumpkin juice, or I'd be a victim too and there would be no one left to record the truth. The hunt is still on for the perpetrator. I have enlisted the House Elves to analyse the compound we found in the juice to determine what exactly has happened, and how we can fix it. Thank Merlin for House Elf magic, or I'd be stuck in this world of chaos!_

_1400_

_I didn't think this was possible, but I believe the situation is worsening. Our courageous hero has now succumbed! _

_I cannot pass off Harry's behaviour as stress any longer. He is now actively bullying students, burning students' assignments, knocking people into walls, and demanding that first years bow down to him as their one and only saviour. I may need to take drastic action._

* * *

Harry wanted to sink underneath the table. "Oh Merlin, I turned into Malfoy! Neville, please tell me you stopped me."

"Well, I didn't. But someone else did. Professor?"

Dumbledore cleared his throat and continued to read.

* * *

_1430_

_The Harry situation has been taken care of. He seemed ready to lead his followers in a coup to overthrow Professor Dumbledore and crown himself as King of Hogwarts, when who stepped in but Draco Malfoy of all people!_

_I'm not entirely sure how it all happened, but Draco has managed to lock Harry in a broom cupboard, without his wand. I did convince him to give me the wand though. If this Disaster ends suddenly, I don't want Harry's wand in the possession of his enemy. I'm already going to have to explain the broom closet thing, I don't need to make this situation any worse for myself._

* * *

"I spent the whole afternoon in a broom closet?"

"I could have been making fun of everyone acting weird, but instead I was saving Potter from himself? Whoever caused this is going to pay!"

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy. Please save your theatrics for your own time." Professor McGonagall managed to fix both students with her piercing gaze at once, causing them to sit back in their seats and turn their attention back to Professor Dumbledore.

* * *

_1530_

_I can't believe my eyes. I just saw Percy Weasley plant dungbombs under Professor McGonagall's chair. That was only minutes after Hermione flew through the corridors on Harry's Firebolt. I'm going to check on the House Elves. We need to fix this situation NOW._

_1545_

_The House Elves have discovered the source of this calamity. It seems the pumpkin juice was tainted with an elixir intended to cause everyone's personalities to become the opposite of normal for twenty-four hours. Unfortunately, it seems that we cannot speed up the process. Now I just need to survive another few hours…_

_1900_

_By my calculations this Disaster should only last one more hour. The current situation is as follows:_

_The Gryffindors are creeping through the hallways terrified._

_The Slytherins have been writing sweet notes to the entire student body, as well as each member of the faculty._

_The Hufflepuffs have been paying the Ravenclaws to do their homework, which has resulted in tears as the Ravenclaws cannot understand the assignments. _

_Snape has continued to whistle—his latest tune was "Dance Like a Hippogriff" as he danced a two-step with McGonagall. _

_Dumbledore has declared sarcasm the primary language of Hogwarts, and has been demonstrating its uses. Examples include: "I made the genius decision to sell my broom right before I decided to move," and "I really love those stains on your robes. They bring out the colour of your eyes." When he isn't exercising the new language of Hogwarts he responds with eye rolls, scoffs, mocking, and unsavory hand gestures. _

_Ginny Weasley has declared that Quidditch is dumb, and her real passion is photography, specifically documenting 'ordinary life.' I'm fairly certain she laughed at Collin for his passion for photography yesterday. _

_I could go on, but I need to prepare for The End. Who knows what will happen when the elixir wears off?_

* * *

The tension in the Great Hall could have been cut with a knife. Gone was the laughter, replaced by a mixture of embarrassment at their actions, and anticipation of what would happen when the twenty-four hours were over.

* * *

_1955_

_Five minutes to go!_

_The House Elves have just delivered me some interesting news. While it is difficult to be certain so long after the fact, they believe they have found traces of the Weasley Twins' magic in the Personality Switch Elixir. It is certainly in character for them—well, their usual character anyway. I will definitely be having words with them for all the stress they have caused me today. I think I may be turning grey!_

_2100_

_Phew! Here I was thinking it would all go back to normal when the elixir wore off, but the past hour has kept me just as busy as the rest of the day. _

_The elixir wore off at 2000 on the dot, leaving everyone extremely disorientated. Many were not in the same place they were in when it took hold, causing mass confusion. I have spent the last hour attempting cheering charms - with mixed effects - and herding everyone back to their dormitories. I hope they can sleep off their confusion and everything goes back to normal in the morning._

_April 17th 1996_

_0700_

_This will be my final entry into the Disaster Log. Students and staff alike appear to be back to their usual selves, albeit confused about what happened yesterday. They are beginning to suspect I know something. I hope this log is enough to expose the truth, and prevent such a disaster from happening again in the future._

_This is Neville Longbottom, signing off._

* * *

As Dumbeldore read the last line, the entire population of Hogwarts broke into applause, as Neville hid his red face from view.

"Misters Fred and George Weasley, for causing such chaos in our school, you will serve one month of detention and lose 40 points each from Gryffindor. Mr Longbottom, for keeping a clear head in the face of such a situation and allowing us to discover the truth, 100 points for Gryffindor." The twinkle had returned to Dumbledore's eyes as he looked out upon the student body. Whilst the situation was not ideal, it seemed that no permanent harm had been done.

Meanwhile, Fred and George had their heads together as they looked over a crumpled piece of parchment.

"Our concoction worked, Fred! It actually worked!"

"Indeed it did, George, better than we could have ever hoped."

"So, how are we going to slip this to the Death Eaters?"


End file.
